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  • drcandicenicole

Pleasure Worthiness

Do you have a sensational sex life? 

There is only one way to answer that question in the authentic affirmative. If you didn’t say “hell yeah!,” “absolutely!,” or any other enthusiastic version of yes, you’re not having sensational sex. You may be having pretty good sex or regular sex, at best. But for so many women, up to half by some research, sex just isn’t as good as it could be. For too many of us, sex feels like an obligation, a chore, a gift for your partner, rather than for yourself. Some of us have never had sex that is sensational…ever.

One of the blocks, and there are quite a few, that prevent us from enjoying (not achieving) sensational sex is that we don’t believe we deserve pleasure. In fact, when something feels pleasurable we turn a part of ourselves off, make ourselves cold to it, because we have forgotten, were told otherwise, or never knew that we were worthy of pleasure.

What happens to you when your partner caresses you? Have you ever recoiled, even if slightly, out of annoyance, when an earlier you would have luxuriated in that sensation? Maybe you were taught that good girls don’t enjoy sex, and so you learned early that sex was just for your partner’s pleasure. Or, after you had kids, you dedicated yourself to making sure they had all of their needs met, forgetting yours.

If maybe, just maybe, a part of you wants the deliciousness of sexual desire to return, here are three steps to start you on that journey. These don’t totally fix it, but they are ways to remind you that you are worthy of pleasure, so that you can keep taking steps toward sensational sex.

  1. Complete the following journal prompt. Give yourself time to write as much as you need. Prompt: Describe your favorite sexual encounter. If it helps, tell it like a story. Include every detail you remember, including how you felt before, during, and after.   

  2. Repeat this affirmation once (or more) each day: I am worthy of sexual pleasure, regardless of the effort it takes. If you struggle with patience, and I’m guilty, spending the time it may take to get you off might feel selfish.

  3. Set a sexual intention for the week. This could be, “I want to allow myself to enjoy receiving oral sex,” “I want to set a sex date for my partner and I,” or anything else you can think of. Set an intention with a sexual focus, and then follow through on it for the week.

These three steps prime you for pleasure, and that priming allows your body and mind to relax enough to be more receptive to something that feels really good to you. I’d love to hear how it went for you and what insights you gained using these three steps. Feel free to reach out to share! Until then, take care.

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